I haven’t posted in this in a very long time. .. although i don’t really know what to say. I’ve never been good at this. This semester is coming to a close. this will be a very busy next 2 weeks.
I can’t wait for Christmas break. I’m hoping to get some time off work to I can see family and such i haven’t seen in a long time.
Anyway, i’ll field questions or thoughts to help me get back into writing here if you’re willing to help
This new thing going on with me isn’t a change in what i want to do professionally or anything like that. This is more of a re-prioritizing and a re-focusing of those things that are personal in my life. I’ve gone a long way since coming to EMU, a lot of which in the direction that I would have preferred not to go. This is more about what I’m looking for, how I’m looking for it and what I’m doing with what I have.
I just had a good conversation with a great friend that I care for dearly. I just wanted to start off with this, Thank you again so much.
I wrote a song in class today, but it now means nothing to me now. Over the course of about an hour, it was moved to meaningless basket. (this wasn’t a song for class, just bored during music history so I decided to write)
It’s very late. I was/am just too moved not to say something. I will be back for more Very soon.
What a wonderful night.
It’s another one of those times.. Oh you know; when I come back to this blog here and want to spill my heart just to get it out because I just can’t hold it in anymore. It’s just too much to bear.
It’s such an alone time when it gets like this because no one really knows what is going on with me entirely. That’s my fault i know.
i’m tired of being awkward and i hate it when you call me out.
“I’m tired of being afraid of what I can’t change. I want to be living free.”
I have a feeling this is going to be another one of those cliche posts where i say a ton of crap but it doesn’t make sense at all because you won’t know what i’m talking about.. but i’ll try.. maybe
I think this is going to be a reminder to stop thinking so much and just let my heart lead my life and where it takes me and to stop over thinking/analyzing things and such.
Look around, why shouldn’t i be so much happier than i am?
Note to self: Find beauty in the small things. my life is beautiful.
don’t mess it up by thinking too much.
So less vagueness and more honesty huh? well here ya go.
i don’t like being alone.
And no, i’m not talking about a girlfriend type relationship either. just having that someone close where i can just let go of everything that i build up inside.
I bottle my emotions up.
my bad.
i don’t like to, i’m just too afraid not too. i don’t trust people with my innerself (easily). and i’m just stuck in this position of trying to find someone i feel comfortable with to really open up and empty everything out.
i’ve been told i don’t know when to stop.
it’s true.
i don’t.
i get ahead of myself and hurry things along and make hasty decisions usually based on absolutely nothing but a lack of time for things to happen how they normally would.
very very few of you actually know who i am on the inside. but if you think i’m quiet. you are deceived. i’m not. i just refuse to let it out.
my bad.
i just don’t trust you, though i want to.
badly.
I know i tend to write in a huge void of detail filled with vagueness. I’m shy sorry. It’s really hard for me to open a window into my personal thoughts and feelings and such. I’m not really an open person obviously for those of you who know me.
Yes Eric, i wish you knew more about what’s going on in my life here at school. but for me, this is hardly the place for it. And i know you’re really busy now with you back at school, and i’ve love to hear about that from you.
To you others who read and wonder, wishing i wouldn’t be so vague, spouting about random crap that doesn’t make any sense but to me. This is me wanting to tell you what is going on in my life. but I’d love to on a more personal, one on one basis. though there is physical distance.
I guess what i’m trying to say is this: I miss you. I miss having a personal connection with you. And i honestly hope to hear from you soon.
