brown eyed elliott

Today begins the first of three days of finals and I’m shakin’ in my boots.  If I make it through, I will have completed the hardest semester I’ve ever attempted since I started college in 2002.  The most thrilling thought is, after this semester, it only gets more intense.  I can’t wait to dig further in, immerse myself in it and then, at some point in the far away future, resurface on the other side.       Bring it on HCD, I’m so ready for you. 

meet my new salt and pepper shakers… they make me smile. its the little things in life… like blue ceramic owls, a good cup of tea with friends, and still enjoying a game of guess who…  

I just saw some sort of large black insect scurry under my stove when I went to turn off the light in the kitchen… lets just say I’ve never been so panicked over living alone.  I need a brother to come kill this thing… before it gets bigger and eats me in my sleep… 

Sheesh, I feel girlie… I don’t know what that thing was and I certainly don’t want to go looking for it.  I’ve got the heebie jeebie, creepy crawlys like nobody’s busniess. 

 HELP!!! 

So I’ve been on a weird food kick lately.  I mean, not only can I not stop eating but I think about it all the time.  I put a lot of thought and energy into what I eat and where.  Me and a few friends have started eating all kinds of ethnic cuisines in order to try some new stuff and broaden our food horizons.  So far we’ve visited lebanese, korean, and ethiopian… all very good and unique.  At the korean barbeque we went as far as to try baby octopus which we cooked ourselves on the tradition korean grill that was set up in the middle of our table.  Its been a good Cultural Food Tour 2008 so far and I’m sure we’ll keep it running for a bit but the thing that has really weighed heavy on my heart is, of course… candy.  

I love it, I eat it constantly.  I revisit fun past times with it, I share my favorites with those near and dear to me.  On the reverse, my friend Nathan informed me that he had eaten a few Limited Edition Easter Raspberry Nougat 3 Musketeers and the idea sounded beyond delicious so I’ve sought them out.  Sadly, this candy I’m so hung up on seems to have disappeared from Chicago Walgreens, Dominicks, CVS, and Jewel Stores.  How ca this candy tease me in such a way?  While doing some internet searching I’ve found plenty of candy blogs describing it and found that there are also orange and cherry versions floating around.  (I was also saddened to find there was a “Java” Twix in circulation for a while that I never heard of…)  So I’m tempted to order them off e-bay but I can’t decide if that crosses a line into obsessive.  I’m still mulling it over. We’ll see.

I think I may gain an unbearable amount of weight if I keep going at this rate… 

It looks at though I taught her well.  What a glamorous punk rock baby sister I have.  I love it.

Sometimes an obscene amount of sushi, a hot cup of jasmine tea, and an excessively long phone conversation with a dear dear friend is all it takes to get back on your feet.

i am the beast that cannot be tamed, the uncontrolled naive one accusing others of the crimes i commit.  projected instability and greed, grasping desperately at a facade of support and honesty.  i’d fall for any pair of arms that reached out to catch me now.  sweet recoil, this was the hardest pill to swallow.  this cup has steeped too long and the potency could kill. tread carefully from here i smell ill will.  the faces i wish to forget lurk in the smells of jasmine and lemon matte. i shudder and something inside spoils. i wreak of decomposing love. an old smell, an abandoned idea with a scent that wards off the weak ones.  a chip that i cannot gamble away, one that will stay here atop my shoulder.  near enough to ear that i can hear its every groan and sigh.  this is an ugly moment, the kind no one wants to hear of.  the kind you’d cringe at, and i’d give anything to share it with someone. 

a kitchen floor photo shoot and the best valentines a girl could ask for. i’m brushing the dust off and finally free of the shackles i had settled for. i embrace the meanings of these motions, and next time the calling will be from a higher place. i cringe to think i sold myself so short. these two beautiful souls teach me new things everydaywith an unspoken understanding that we are all slowly changing and creating something new. nothing could beat such a evolution. anything worth having is worth working for, and these are the kinds of people worth fighting for and fighting with. that talking horse told his last lie, and now i embrace truth with angels by my sides. calm is here, chaos was left at your doorstep even though i wanted so badly to keep it.